inthemiddle

I wish desperately that I could just know you. Instead of wondering what you were thinking about, I would just know. Its been almost a year since our last full length conversation, but there you are waiting in my dreams, forcing me to construct you into an illusion that would crumble if ever touched. These delusions have left me with nothing but bleeding hands and a broken heart. If only you knew how many pages I have stained with your name. But I have watched the earth move on without me and I have forced fed air into my lungs until my feet put one in front of the other and somehow I have ended up here. There are moments of you that play on an endless loop in my head and it wears me down like an eraser after too many mistakes. So here is my final plea. on my hands and knees I'm screaming the words I never said to you, begging you for that sideways smile of yours. I know I lost it a long time ago. But I just need to know what goes through your mind when you look at me through those eyes as deep as oceans. Just sit down with me and tell me what you think about, right before you let sleep take you away for the night, to meet me in my dreams. And please God, tell me that I'm not as crazy as I seem. You are all four seasons, you are snowflakes in the middle of July and I need to know why. I need to know who you became while I was out chasing these words.