It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Its Christmas once again. And with the holly on your front door, its the prettiest sight to see. The neighborhood is quite, its the kind of silence that warms your heart and brings a dance to your feet. And so, the snow falls peacefully from the clouds above and with the tree by the grande piano. You smile as you watch your family gather all together. But the prettiest sight to see is the poinsettias on your dinning room table. As ages from two to eighty eight all sit side by side and share stories from long ago. It's really beginning to look a lot like Christmas. And with a fresh new start to welcoming a new year. I look forward to new opportunities and to begin a new chapter in my life. Christmas is a time of year that's full of blessings, for isn't a season. its a feeling. My Christmas has always been very simple and about family. And like any child growing up it use to be all about the presents under the tree. But as I grew older in my years. I came to the understanding that all I really want for Christmas is my family to be happy and for all of us to be healthy. That's the perfect present for me. I love being at home for Christmas.

Travel. As much as you can. as far as you can. as long as you can. life is not meant to be lived in one place. but so i thought...

I can travel the world and visit every monument and every famous museum that’s recorded in history. I can go to every quaint little cafe in Italy, and sip on expensive espresso and wear fancy clothes. I can walk along the marble edge of the trevi fountain and dip my toes in its magical water, run between vines among the most exquisite vineyards and taste its most delicate wines. I can practice my french in Paris at a public market with the locals, and taste the finest croissants! I can venture London’s night life and watch my favorite bands perform live. I can go visit Scotland’s astonishing castles and take pictures of its architecture for days. I can sail across the ocean and imagine the ultimate adventures that await before me. I can be in my state, Washington and breathing in those mighty mountain peaks. Feel the wind through my hair and fall in love with my american who lives there.

I know there is so many possibilities in the world to accomplish and so many places to see. But there's no where that is quite like my home in the prairies. I can call anywhere in the world my home. But it wont have that true warmth that my home in Canada with my family has. Home isn't home until I wake up in the morning to the smell fresh baking of my fathers famous pancakes. To hear my brothers laughter and loud chatting over the breakfast table. As they talk about their newest scheme’s and wildest adventures. And oh, feeling that brisk air of winter coming through the open doors of our back porch, where i see my darling kitty climbed out and watch him play in the snow. I love the sound of my mothers voice. Hearing her sing as she decorates the Christmas tree. No where is more beautiful or as special then my little home in the prairies. Because no famous museums, historical sights and all those fancy cafes in Italy can beat the love, warmth and happiness my home with my family gives me. Like they say "home is where the heart is." Well my heart will forever be in the prairies. Even when I move away one day. I'll never forget its memories. 

“What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” -  Jack Kerouac

you arise in our hearts Lord.

found an old entry from an old notebook on my journeys.

"You've told me that you've never been a man of many words. But you can speak only when you really need too. oh see darling, you said "that somethings are worth more when you say what you really mean." You said I was the morning sun and you were the night; ever growing brighter with every hello. And sometimes to get away from the madness of our lives. We would flicker and disappear into the skies. But oh to be, so easily - in love.

And in the autumn when the leaves would begin to fall. We would dream away our day, lying beneath our tree and you kiss my hand. You make the simply things so difficult, that at times I can't understand. I would get so tongue tided, so twisted up. And you'd get so mad. And I would run away with a flood of words; I didn't know I had. Oh to be, so easily - in love.

I met you on Sunday evening. I was all dressed in white. The band began to play as we'd stare into each others eyes. We'd share each others coffee's on that one fire-escape, under Octobers blooming moon. oh see my handsome, I couldn't shake you out of my mind. You fell for the dimples in my cheeks, you told me. And I couldn't help but, fall in love with your sad eyes, that summers night. Oh how our love did grow. oh to be, so easily - in love.

You never were a wealthy man. you worked your fingers down to bone. oh see my handsome, i don't think you ever complained to me. you turned what our hearts had into a home. we kept each other warm. oh how our love did grow. But when winter ran along into spring. it took its toll on everything. its not "my fault" everyone kept telling me. Your love is in my heart. a rushing light from the horizon. water form heaven. and so in my darkest stress i watch the sunrise. and remember the passion from your arms; flowing from your heart. Oh to be, so easily - in love.

We use to live in truth. the time when we use to share. The days we would hold each other and how I use to fall and you were always there to catch me. And in everything now i lay awake at night and wonder why. and now when I am quiet enough... i can still hear the grand-piano play. your voice so soft. oh how i want to be by your side. if only these wings could fly. and now i am in a far state, where i can't let my thoughts think of you, in these moments, i just want to be by your side. (if these wings could fly) oh damn these walls, in the moment they are ten feet tall - and i can't get to you. Surely as the sunrises I'll forget your face and will be living in truth again. And I will make my heart realize that these wings are broken."

- March 21st, 2012.
C.B.

goodbye,
goodbye my love
i cant hide of what has come
i have to go and leave you alone
but always know, know

that i love you so

“They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” ~ Williams Penn

Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. And today I've experienced a great lose in my heart. Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. And even if we're apart from the loved ones we lost. In our hearts we'll always be with them. Grief changes us. its not a matter of being changed for the better or worse.. it just changes us. The beauty in life is always there. We just have to look up to find it. My heart feels sore tonight. For when I'm quiet I can still hear my little darlings purr; My cat Tigger died in the arms of the Lord on this brisk November morning. His sweet presence is now with the Lord. How lovely he was. My brothers and I adopted him when I was only six years old. September 28, 1996. I remember the day so clearly. My very first kitten and my heart was filled with such joy that lasted 17 years. My family and I gave Tigger so much love and in return he gave us so much back. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." -Pslams 34:18. 

-I miss you Tigger. 

I always think "If people want to talk to me they will" which is my reasoning for never really starting a conversation. So I'm permanently thinking that no one wants to talk to me. But what if they're sitting there thinking the same thing? And its just this cycle of silence that never gets broken... because I'm far too stubborn at times to just put myself out there.

It's 1999, I'm wearing my favorite Pocahontas sweater and matching it with one of my many pairs of neon pink leggings. And with my hair falling to my cheeks, I feel my fringe tickling my eyelashes. I'm nine years old and just starting to learn how to beat level four in Super Mario. I only worried about what colors of socks I'm going to wear that day. Who was going to lose at 'bubble, bubble gum' to be it for 'hide and go seek.' Life back then was care-free world. It was a world without stress. Being told you can achieve and be whatever your heart desires. When I young I thought I'd be married by eighteen years old. I thought I could be actress and meet Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson. I'd sleep with all my stuffed animals as a child so none of them got offended. Had that one pen with four different colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once. Poured soda into a cap and acted like I was taking medicine. The hardest decision was choosing which Nintendo game to play. Waited behind a door to scare someone, then leaving because they're taking too long to come out or you had to pee. Faked being asleep, so I could be carried to bed. Used to think that the moon followed my car. Watching two drops of rain roll down the window and pretending it was a race. Went on the computer just to use Paint. The only thing I had to take care of was a Tamagotchi. I used to sing in the shower. (Now? I make life decisions in there now). Swallowed a fruit seed and was told by my older brothers I was going to grow a tree in my tummy. Getting bruised knees heals better than a broken heart. Remember when we were kids and Couldn't wait to grow up.. what the heck were we thinking?

Have you ever thought about how many people think about you? It's so bizarre. Imagine someone, out of the blue, thinking of your face. Something happens; they remember you. Your favorite song, how you dress, the way you talk, the look in your eyes when you are happy. They remember that about you, even if you haven't seen each other in years. Everything in life is a reminder of a person, a place, a moment. You may think you've forgotten, but you haven't.

i will hold my breath

little things

the amber in your hair

don't go. i never loved 

my own best friend

if i loved, if i have known, if i go

don't take it to fast

little things

your eyes so gentle

hold my love, its true

cause if i go, if im gone, if i don't

i don't know if i'll move on

please dont move on

don't take this to lightly

cause the words you speak are many

and when you leave, when you go away

our loove is gone has with you

take my words, and hold them true

little things

the dimples in your cheeks

my love is true, love is true

take my words, there its gone with you

oh my love is true

little things

the way you pull back your hair

when you leave, don't forget 

love is gone with you, my love is gone with you

please take my words, hold them true

my love is true

love is true

take my words, its gone with you

oh my, my love is true

My girl friends always vent to me about their relationships. They ask me for love advice... I guess I'm good at? Because it seems that whatever I say to them, seems to work out. So, if my love advice works for them. Why doesn't my own love advice, work for me? I've often wondered this question. Maybe its not exactly me that's the issue. but my bad choice in men? Yea. I'll go with that.

no one likes being ganged up on. and tonight i felt as though i was.

false accusations are the worst. specially when it comes from somebody you thought cared about you.

now that's the worst pain of all

autumn would have to be my favorite season of the year! because I can't wait to put on a pair of my leather boots, wear a warm chunky sweater and being able to wear layers beyond layers of clothing! - I'm obsessed with layers and sweaters. and autumn gives me that excuse to wear them since its just cold enough too! 

Not only is this season perfect for wearing cute wool sweaters but its great for being able to go outside and to enjoy a hot cup of coffee to warm your fingers from the brisk wind. Whenever I go to work in the morning, I walk to the nearest cafe and grab a coffee on my way. its great for warming your hands enough so the wind doesn't bother you. Plus coffee, wool sweaters, boots and golden leaves are just a over all great combination! I think I'm a little autumn obsessed. 

lights go down. you try to not make a sound. hearts collide, we still have plenty of time.

We shouldn't take anything for granted. Always be thankful for everything because its a blessing.

an old love letter from my past lover

you deserve flowers on your doorstep

and coffee in the morning

you deserve love notes left on your dashboard

and ice cream sundaes at 3am

you deserve honesty every day

and to be kissed every hour

you deserve to be in love

and to have it reciprocated

you deserve a man

who will

climb all mountains

for your hand

you deserve to be reminded

of just how beautiful 

you are

to me

I love you baby

haunting song. but my favorite from Andy's collection.

Martha stands, pretty just like you

I held her close, like I held you

Martha sways and I follow suit

she fills my glass and i toss it back

To the space that once held you

dance, dance, to the radio

while the, devil takes control 

dance, dance, to the radio

while the, devil takes control 

There's a weight, holding me down

Martha says, it's all in my head

I look at the lights, dancing in her eyes

and I wanna die

dancing in her eyes

dance, dance, to the radio

while the, devil takes control 

dance, dance, to the radio

while the, devil takes control 

Martha spins, and I catch her hand

she smiles and laughs

bringing me back

born a creator

so it starts to begin
the way i use to resurface
but I am trying, heaven knows i am trying
a way of talking, nothing ever comes from talking

i fear I've always been the same
i fear there's nothing else to lose or to gain
but I'm hoping, always hoping
that it can work it.
that i can make it all work out
do you believe me?
I don't think you do

so it starts to begin
the way i use to be resurfacing
that im hoping. ive spent far to long hoping
that it can work out. oh i can make it all work out
do you believe me?
i don't think you do
do you believe me?
i don't think you do.

I've spent so long wondering how i went wrong
and what seemed right seemed like the right thing to do

do you believe me?
i don't think you do

do you believe me?

Someone told me today, "Love is often in front of you."

I sat there with a blank stare and looked down at my coffee in hand. Its true. I've often ignored opportunities to fall in love. but not even that. but to have the guts to tell somebody that I love them.

I've learned from past experiences, that holding your tongue in those moments, when wanting to tell somebody that you love them, is sometimes the best thing to do (to avoid a broken heart.) Because chances are. you might just make a fool of out of yourself by telling them how you feel. I've had that happen once. And then there are those situations when you don't say anything at all. And you lose that somebody special. Because you never spoke out. For when you thought that it could never happen. Your face soon fades into another's. And oddly enough, that has happened to me. And I do regret not saying anything to that person.
What I'm trying to write here is - Don't wait to tell that somebody that you love them. Don't let fear take hold of you from speaking what your hearts feels. Just do it. cause chances are. they just might say it back.

classical music is food for my heart.

Love will remember you
love will remember me
I know it inside my heart,
Forever will, forever be ours,
Even if we try to forget,
Love will remember
The trips we dream of takin',
The tags left on the map,
What happened to that
Break down the worlds,
Let heaven in,
Somewhere in forever
We'll dance again,
We used to be inseparable,
I used to think I was irreplaceable,
We let the hole out,
Before we blew it up,
I just dont know how we screwed it up

Love will remember

He's my Babylon

I promised myself I would be okay. Alright, doing just fine. walked those dusty floors in confidence that ghosts do not show themselves on rainy Friday nights. But, there you were, spinning your feet through the dirt of my memories. Your voice, oh God, your voice. I can still recall the texture of it, familiar like morning coffee or summer thunder. it calls me awake from heavy feet. I swore I would be okay, fine in fact but I'm not. Somehow i as wonderful wishing, with a soaring smile, that the gold in my hair would trap you once again.

truth.

“Miss someone until they come back, or until you come back, until their absence in your life becomes something to be avoided at all costs. Miss them until you don’t have to anymore, until you’re reunited in your favorite booth in your favorite restaurant ordering your favorite meal, miss them until it feels like you never left. Or miss them until you can’t anymore, until the things you miss are identified and cataloged as things and not a person, until you figure out that easy company and long talks and unblinking, all-knowing eye contact will find you again the way they found you the first time. Miss someone until you don’t.”

-Stephanie Georgopulus

Haruki Murakam

"Someday you’ll find the right person, and you’ll learn to have a lot more confidence in yourself. That’s what I think. So don’t settle for anything less. In this world, there are things you can only do alone, and things you can only do with somebody else. It’s important to combine the two in just the right amount."

as soon as i saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen.

E. E. Cummings

my thoughts seem to linger on these three small memories lately.

1. my first attempt at learning to ride a bike on the grass with my dad when i was 9
2. summer 2007 at my cousins country house. we camped outside and watched the stars dance
3. this small bridge in my city's park where there's a little ledge underneath where you can sit and dangle your feet above the ducklings, and watch the geese that swim by. for whenever I drive past this bridge, I think of summer 2011. When J and I would sit there, under that bridge, after our long walks through the park. We exchange thoughts, laughs and sit next to each other. This memory of J is probably one of my most favorite moments with him. Its because I always see it on my way to church every Sunday. For whenever I drive past it. it brings a smile to my face. I'd have to say that, that summer was my favorite summer to date.

i like to walk with you up there on that hill
we'll watch the mail man walk through the village trails
we'll whisper secrets and dance like wildflowers kissing the wind
and my, my, my darling, we're so confused
cause we're changing, down this road, down this crazy avenue 
i draw a line from A to B and what happens is in between 
cause its an open mystery, as far as i can see
for someone like you who wants to live alone 
you gave me your only coat
and i'll wear its hood and tug on its threads
cause its smell is a memory 
that i can't seem to get rid of 
quiet yet

blank stares will become souvenirs in time.

and memories of friends and family will send love by your side

And when words are gone, quiet will be a friend. 

I'm comfortable with silence in the end.

could you believe when he took your hand in hand
when he pulled you in close, for the kiss
when a smile brought another to you
when your eyes said 'i love him too'
oh time, moves on eventually

Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. 

There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.

your mind has a way of not letting you forget things you wish you could. especially with people. like, you'll always try your best to forget things that people say to you

or about you, but you always remember  And you'll try to forget things you've seen that no one should see, but you just can't do it. And when you try to forget someone's face, you can't get it out of your head.

the pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming. - Romans 8:18

Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress. - Psalm 71:3

I want to know how I so often overlook Christ. He has loved me so much there is nothing to express this gratefulness but my tears: he loved when I was so so dirty and still does when I mess everything up. I am so blessed for the chance at new life to reflect this love

for each 

and everyone else 

I've always been 

an ear, 

somehow

with you,

since the start,

and for the first time

in my life,

i remembered 

that sometimes

it's perfectly

acceptable

to be the mouth

and to hear the sound

of your own voice,

shaky

as it may be,

once again

who are you 

really?

you are not a name

or a height, or a weight

you are not an age

and you are not where you 

are from

you are your favorite books

and the songs stuck in your head

you are your thoughts

and what you eat for breakfast

on saturday mornings

you are a thousand things

but everyone chooses

to see the million things

you are not

you are not

where you are from

you are

where you're going

and i'd like

to go there

too

and least you forget

that you are

and always will be

forever more

a child of the most

high God

Before Summer Rain

Suddenly, from all the green around you,

something-you don’t know what-has disappeared;

you feel it creeping closer to the window,

in total silence. From the nearby wood

you hear the urgent whistling of a plover,

reminding you of someone’s Saint Jerome:

so much solitude and passion come

from that one voice, whose fierce request the downpour

will grant. The walls, with their ancient portraits, glide

away from us, cautiously, as though

they weren’t supposed to hear what we are saying.

And reflected on the faded tapestries now;

the chill, uncertain sunlight of those long

childhood hours when you were so afraid.

there are two types of waiting. 1) There's the waiting you do for someone you know is coming, sooner or later - like waiting for the 6 o'clock train, or the bus, or a party where a certain handsome boy might be.
2) And then there's the waiting for something you don't know is coming. You don't even know what it is exactly, but you're hoping for it. You're imagining it and living your life for it. - That's the kind of waiting that makes a fist in your heart.

.there are 3 kinds of heartbreak.

the first is when

someone is reckless with 

your heart

and it breaks and it shatters

in ways

you never thought it could

the second is when 

you break 

someone's heart

because you'll never 

know pain

like the type that has you

look into their eyes

but they look away

and the worst kind of heartbreak 

is the kind that comes along

when you have to watch

the person you love

be happy

with someone else

its those forestry tree's, mountains and that fresh pine smell, that i miss everyday.
Its true, I'm a forest girl and I miss the mountains, i miss hiking through the tree's, i miss drinking coffee every morning and watching the sun rise over the mountains peaks. I honestly just miss being out doors. Living in the city makes me feel lazy. I feel as though I'm wasting my day sitting inside and writing essays for university papers every day/or night. When you live in the city it feels as though you barely get enough exercise as you would if you lived in the country or even somewhere thats more outdoorsy. I miss living in B.C. for the summer last year. I felt alot more active and alive then I do living where I do now. I wish summer was here already so I can go back to my forest!

“she wore flowers in her hair and carried magic secrets in her eyes. she spoke to no one. she spent hours on the riverbank and had midnight swims.”

—	arundhati roy

find someone who isn't afraid to admit that they miss you. Someone who knows
that you are not perfect but treats you as if you are.
Someone who's biggest fear is losing you. One who gives their heart completely.
Someone who says 'I love you' and means it.
Last but not least, find someone who
wouldn't mind waking up with you in  the morning
seeing you in wrinkles and your gray hair but
still falls for you all over again.
now that's love.

LOVE
It will not betray you
dismay or
enslave you
it will
set you free

THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU. JUST BE STILL - EXODUS 14:14

and in the end, we can blame the stars or tell ourselves that it wasn't meant to be, that it wasn't destined to happened but deep down we know that the stars were not at fault and it wasn't "meant to be."

The fault was in ourselves.

why is it
that we push away
those that care for us
the most?

and why is it
that we chase after
those who can't care
at all?

Family Of The Year - Hero

https://soundcloud.com/micah-turbitt/dont-think-twice-its-alright

This is so beautiful. I love this guy's cover of Bod Dylan's song "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright"

one of my favorite songs

"Blank stares are souvenirs in time
memories of family send others by your side
and when the words are gone, quiet will be your friend
I'm comfortable with silence in the end

young ones will age just like the rest
and smiles will be the greatest signs of happiness
so why do i forget that i am still young
i forget that i'm still young

what do you dream when you fall asleep
after 50 years will she be the one that you grieve
do you dream that you are young
is she still the one that you love?"
-Andy Shauf - Comfortable with Silence.

and i guess, most embraces - just don't compare to yours

Rejection is just apart of my life and I’m becoming okay with it. Some won’t wanna get to know me and my awesomeness but that’s ok. I just take that as a divine sign that this person isn’t meant to be in my life and maybe there’s someone better out there that’ll enjoy my presence. No biggie

we were standing a the foot of the path
you said you had to go back, had to go back
choose to travel as a lonely man, so much you liked, so much that you liked
always wishing you were walking that road
something you hoped
you said you take me to all the places you like
how little i knew

he sang many songs to me
always humming, always repeating
"i only eat to fill me up"
"i only eat to rest"
"i need a love just like a cave"
guess you haven't found it yet...

see where i am is where i wanna be
i know what i need
and there's many different places to see
i know how to dream
see there's a wound and its healing slow
and no it don't show, how little you know

maybe we marry and we work it out fine
some other time, some other time
and we'll be happy as I walk down that line
its all in my mind, its all in my mind

we'll paint the ceiling so that nobody knows
we'll cover it slowly, cover it slow
its like you never met me before
a little less show, a little less show

old writings.

I think about you so much that my stomach hurts. And Even after all this time and all the days it's been, my thoughts still keep running back to you, replaying images in my head of the time we spent on the staircase with your guitar. And still it's true my heart still does love you. I honestly can't escape it. Trust me I've tried to forget about you. for I thought I could move on from you. but it seems as though I can't.

The memory of your smile and those conversations we shared in that little town bakery. I try to forget. And tonight here I lay again trying to forget the sweet words you'd said to me that day. Why can't my heart let you go? Why must my memories of you, of us, torture me so? I feel embarrassed of my love for you.

January 30th, 2012.
-C.B.

A joyful thought

“A sight of Christ will gladden the heart of a disciple at any time; and the more we see of Jesus, the more we shall rejoice. “

-Matthew Henry

When we let His love shine through us, it is exciting to think 

that we can be an encouragement to other believers just by following His example. 

And when we are encouraging through our actions we, in turn, 

are brought joy through His glorification!

I want to find myself a cute american boy and drink coffee with him all day and whisper cute words to each other and day dream our day away as we lay in blankets and watch Disney movies till the sunrises. He'll make me breakfast and bring it to me in bed. He'll kiss me on the cheek and tell me he likes the dimples in my cheeks. I'll play with his hair as he lays his head on my lap, I'll kiss his nose and we'll just laugh all day and go on cute adventures to museums and art galleries. He'll take me to his secrete spot that over looks the city and we'll dance in each other arms as he hums to me. I'll smile and soak in his adorable grin and those blue eyes. He'll take my hand and kiss it and I'll blush softly and look away, to only hear him say, I love you.

“I think there is something beautiful in reveling in sadness. The proof is how beautiful sad songs can be. So I don’t think being sad is to be avoided. It’s apathy and boredom you want to avoid. But feeling anything is good, I think. Maybe that’s sadistic of me.” -
Joseph Gordon-Levitt

falling in love isn't easy, its painful. And now i know what they mean when they say "Falling," its like you're falling from a skyscraper to your death. But all at once while you're falling, the air is breezing through your hair, your fingertips feeling the suns touch, the buildings glass windows around you, they are reflecting the colors of the air. All has become beautiful. You don't even think twice about hitting the bottom. Because the journey of falling is to breathtaking that it you don't care anymore. You're completely and undoubtedly in love. Fear of being heartbroken and hitting that pavement isn't in your mind anymore, all your thoughts are consumed in the moment. His kisses, his eyes and that voice of his that makes your heart jump when he says your name. You're completely lost in the skies, falling in love.

we can whisper dreams, from our american dreams.

there will be dozens 

of people

who will take your

breath away

but the one

who reminds you

to breathe

is the one you

should keep

“To me you’re the sea 
and I have fallen in love 
with salt on my skin.” - Tyler Knott Gregson

Do you ever just wanna sit next to someone and listen to everything they could possibly say? - about anything ever. Just because you like their face, their voice and their general existence?

“It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less — even a vague pathetic facsimile of less — than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don’t settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.”
Greg Behrendt

your voice was the soundtrack for my summer

Fall in love with someone who promises to make you laugh, fall in love with the constant feeling of being anchored to someone who makes the crash of the waves bearable, someone who makes you stronger. fall in love with someone who tells you that if they fall asleep waiting for you to call, they'll call you in the morning-but not too early. be in love with something greater than the both of you that defies your superstitions. be in the arms of someone you can call your lover, someone that completes your heart. be with someone who lets you be wrong and wades in the mistake with you. fall in love and write down in your diaries, "we made it through," knowing there is more (good things) to come. but most of all, hold on to that love with clenched fists and a willing heart.

Happy Wednesday!

Today feels like one of those lazy days where you don't want to do anything else but watch your favorite TV show and drink coffee and munch on cereal all day. For I am definitely in this mood today! I've already had 2 cups of coffee and feeling the rush of it! Which is why I'm using this energy to sketch up a few sketches. Its been awhile since I last painted or drew anything. So I guess I'll found out as the afternoon goes on how well my artistic skills still are. Happy Wednesday readers! ps-I've noticed in my blog manage area that my blog is mostly viewed in England and the USA. Thought that was pretty neat! But sadly enough my own country from where I'm from which is Canada, doesn't read my own blog...

please remember me, happily, by the rosebushes

ocean tides is all i dream of
your perfect smile and sweet words of whispers
cherry red blossoms fall by our sides
you kiss my cheeks softly - by the rosebushes
thoughts are tied with your many bracelets - specially that little leather green one.

From the lakeside to the shore, from the land to the dark sea, 

hold my hand - don't forget me

we're caught up by these rivers, brought down by the mountains
you start the motor, I rolled the window down and raise my hands, waved goodbye to all the neigherhood kids playing, i can almost hear the sun settling

silent conversations are all we speak
the way that you you look in my direction, I feel inspired to be
you're the picture I leave in my back pocket, my locket
so drive darling, drive darling, drive
we're like the morning freedom, saying goodnight to all our demons - I'll smash you're fears baby

with a patch of open road, we take over the world, lets go crazy!
cause love will tell us where to go
i know your ever changing thoughts, but what will you choose to share?
I'm the moon and you're the tide
and i want this with all my soul, so baby don't give up

though some days you draw into the skies differently

at the borderlines I hung my faith high
I always seem to i find myself waiting here
and i taste gold on my tongue, see why i search so high
when im asking for your hand, for when you're coming home
i will ask for so much more, to never leave me again
cause if i leave this town, i'll see mountains again
but if i can't see you, i lost it all my friend...

you always seem to forget, and I feel ever pending
a shadow always following
i wear that dress you love, the one that's long to my knees
how long do I try, my hope is wearing thin - my heart is waiting
please, don't forget me
and our love we share by the rosebushes

(simply and only a dream of you and me)

I wrote a poem for you
you didn't have to ask me too
i wanted too because i feel, that nothing else would be as real
l-o-v-e, hello lovely

you built a home for me
by the dock that you knew
you love me more then anything
i lay down my life again
l-o-v-e, hello lovely

Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be - from Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

Five Simple Rules for Happiness:

1. soak in the word of The Lord everyday

2. free your mind from worries

3. free your heart from hatred

4. give more

5. live simply

L'esprit de l'escalier [French]

That feeling you get when you leave a conversation and think of all the things you should have said.

I guess it’s been a difficult year...

Candles aren’t lit yet

We just became friends
Friends again
I drove off my dreams
To make you real again

I hung my flag high
I won’t ever forget
Eating my pride
I taste gold on my tongue
See white from my eyes

And when I’m asking for your hand
But you’re coming home instead
I’ll ask for so much more
Never to leave me again

If I leave this town in ten
I’ll see mountains again
But if I can’t see you
I’ve lost it all my friend

I find it frustrating how overly polite I am to people, I mean seriously if someone purposed to me I would probably end up marrying them even if I didn't like them just because I wouldn't want to be rude.

The smoke in the night
the ash on the light
I think that it might be the best thing in sight
I know now I am right to
let you be consumed by the light

I know, love (well, I'm a sucker for that feeling.) Happens all the time, love (I always end up feeling cheated.) You're on my mind, love (Oh, sorta let him in when I need it,) that happens all the time, love, yeah.

Will she love you like I loved you? Will she tell you everyday? Will she make you feel like you're invincible? With every word she'll say? Can you promise me if this was right? Don't throw it all away. Can you all these things? Will you do all these things like we used to? (oh, like we used to)

/\

i know exactly how you feel
it doesn't matter what you say
i see the sun begin to set and we gotta get away

i got a patch of open road
i already miss you with all my soul
i think we gotta get away (love will tell us where to go)

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. 

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 

-Psalm 42:1-2

I don't know if I'll ever find someone like you

Make no mistake. I never stopped loving you, handsome. I just stopped expecting you to love me back. I have a million things I want to talk to you about. A million  things we have to talk about. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.

loved you yesterday

love you still

always have

always will

dig deeper you day light dreamer as I try to dig for you

my theme song for today

Today I woke up to a gorgeous mountain of fluffy pancakes stacked high with delicious berries and syrup! My dad was cooking away in the kitchen this morning! He whipped up this precious birthday surprise pancake cake with candles on top for me as I stumbled to the kitchen half awake and there sat at the table my fam, all smiles:) I definitely feel the love today. I'm ever so blessed with such love and such a beautiful family. Thank you Lord for them and the gift of waking each morning with a brand new day of being able to spend with them. How did I ever get so lucky? 

my attempt at a short story (forgive my poor grammar.)

I opened the windows and saw the night, the cold stars and the pine trees below my windowsill. Leaning out the windows old wooden frame, my eyes dazzled deeply into the stars above, they moved along the sky like dancing dreams of light, it was so beautiful, peaceful, serene. Closing my window I walked back to bed with the nights air following behind me, so cold and clear as it kissed my neck goodnight. I felt content and warm inside my bed as I could feel the soft purr of my cat breathing against my chest, as he crawled quietly upon my blankets, as I lied there staring at my ceiling thinking of the stars outside my window and the tall pine trees standing guard against the howls of the night. and then my cat suddenly awoke! He leaped off my bed and towards my bedroom door and down the hall. I sat up and stared at the lighten doorway and crept out of my bed and peeked across the silent hallway, wondering where my furry fellow friend ran off too. and so, a soft whistle i heard in that moment, it was coming down the hall, its echo moved along the walls and through the dried roses my mother hanged to dry that night. I tip toed quietly across the hall and there I found my older brother sitting on the steps outside the swinging backdoor. small trickles of gray smoke danced through the nights cold crisp wind as it slowly disappeared above his head. A cigarette in hand he held quietly, making no sound he sat there just breathing its smoke. He turned around and saw me standing there and smiled sweetly. His nose was red from the cold, he was wrapped up tightly in his winter jacket as a black scarf kept his neck warm. I smiled back and walked over to the screen door as my fingertips touched the frozen glass. he turned back around and made more clouds of gray. I opened the screen door, "Goodnight" I said as he replied back with "sweet dreams little sister." Walking back to my bedroom I crawled quickly underneath my warm blankets again. Trying to fall back to sleep was impossible though, now, for my mind couldn't escape the thoughts of what my brothers little clouds of smoke were creating for him.

The following morning welcomed our home with a warm kiss. and so did my nose, which woke me, to the smell of poached eggs boiling in the pots in mothers kitchen. Pancakes stood tall, stacked high on rosebud plates lined with silver linings, bleeding layers of syrups and whip creams. Chopped oranges and strawberries in bowls so sweet, how my stomach ached for such. With my fluttering feet running out of bed and down the halls I came to the kitchen with a halt, standing at the kitchens doorway I saw my brother who spent half his night breathing in a package's of little white sticks, he rubbed his eyes roughly an sat there at the table across from me. His blue eyes were sunken in his face, his breathing was slow, his hair was tied tightly in a bun with one of my pink elastics from my room. I sat there with a coffee in hand mother placed down for me, it heated my little fingers from mornings early frost. Looking down at my cup of warm coffee, I smiled and slid it across the table towards his cold fingertips. He looked up at me surprised, then a with a grin he wrapped his hands tightly around the warm mug, his once sunken blue eyes now turned into a sparkle, and that titled grin now turned into a smile.

love is when 

you can't stop looking at him

even if he never looks back.

I came to figure out that you know you can really trust somebody; when you don't have to talk
all the time to them make sure they still like you, or to even prove to them that you have interesting stuff to say. If they like you, and you like them, then stop stressing.

I've got a atlas in my hands, I'm gonna turn when I listen to the lessons I've learned.

there's a song that I heard today that brought me back to you. its tender words reminded me of your hands, how they felt so strong holding mine. I will remember your face, cause I'm still in love with
that place. cause when the stars are the only things we share, will you be there?
"I've got a plan," you said, "I know I'm young but I'm yours, I'm here in your heart. I was here from the start." Then there came the rain as it settled on your skin, but not like before when you let it all in, into your heart, it was the only part, from the start you were set apart. You said we're young, we're flawed, but we'll always be watching those same stars.

"when I saw you I feel in love and you smiled because you knew."-William Shakespeare