Travel. As much as you can. as far as you can. as long as you can. life is not meant to be lived in one place. but so i thought...

I can travel the world and visit every monument and every famous museum that’s recorded in history. I can go to every quaint little cafe in Italy, and sip on expensive espresso and wear fancy clothes. I can walk along the marble edge of the trevi fountain and dip my toes in its magical water, run between vines among the most exquisite vineyards and taste its most delicate wines. I can practice my french in Paris at a public market with the locals, and taste the finest croissants! I can venture London’s night life and watch my favorite bands perform live. I can go visit Scotland’s astonishing castles and take pictures of its architecture for days. I can sail across the ocean and imagine the ultimate adventures that await before me. I can be in my state, Washington and breathing in those mighty mountain peaks. Feel the wind through my hair and fall in love with my american who lives there.

I know there is so many possibilities in the world to accomplish and so many places to see. But there's no where that is quite like my home in the prairies. I can call anywhere in the world my home. But it wont have that true warmth that my home in Canada with my family has. Home isn't home until I wake up in the morning to the smell fresh baking of my fathers famous pancakes. To hear my brothers laughter and loud chatting over the breakfast table. As they talk about their newest scheme’s and wildest adventures. And oh, feeling that brisk air of winter coming through the open doors of our back porch, where i see my darling kitty climbed out and watch him play in the snow. I love the sound of my mothers voice. Hearing her sing as she decorates the Christmas tree. No where is more beautiful or as special then my little home in the prairies. Because no famous museums, historical sights and all those fancy cafes in Italy can beat the love, warmth and happiness my home with my family gives me. Like they say "home is where the heart is." Well my heart will forever be in the prairies. Even when I move away one day. I'll never forget its memories. 

“What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” -  Jack Kerouac

you arise in our hearts Lord.

found an old entry from an old notebook on my journeys.

"You've told me that you've never been a man of many words. But you can speak only when you really need too. oh see darling, you said "that somethings are worth more when you say what you really mean." You said I was the morning sun and you were the night; ever growing brighter with every hello. And sometimes to get away from the madness of our lives. We would flicker and disappear into the skies. But oh to be, so easily - in love.

And in the autumn when the leaves would begin to fall. We would dream away our day, lying beneath our tree and you kiss my hand. You make the simply things so difficult, that at times I can't understand. I would get so tongue tided, so twisted up. And you'd get so mad. And I would run away with a flood of words; I didn't know I had. Oh to be, so easily - in love.

I met you on Sunday evening. I was all dressed in white. The band began to play as we'd stare into each others eyes. We'd share each others coffee's on that one fire-escape, under Octobers blooming moon. oh see my handsome, I couldn't shake you out of my mind. You fell for the dimples in my cheeks, you told me. And I couldn't help but, fall in love with your sad eyes, that summers night. Oh how our love did grow. oh to be, so easily - in love.

You never were a wealthy man. you worked your fingers down to bone. oh see my handsome, i don't think you ever complained to me. you turned what our hearts had into a home. we kept each other warm. oh how our love did grow. But when winter ran along into spring. it took its toll on everything. its not "my fault" everyone kept telling me. Your love is in my heart. a rushing light from the horizon. water form heaven. and so in my darkest stress i watch the sunrise. and remember the passion from your arms; flowing from your heart. Oh to be, so easily - in love.

We use to live in truth. the time when we use to share. The days we would hold each other and how I use to fall and you were always there to catch me. And in everything now i lay awake at night and wonder why. and now when I am quiet enough... i can still hear the grand-piano play. your voice so soft. oh how i want to be by your side. if only these wings could fly. and now i am in a far state, where i can't let my thoughts think of you, in these moments, i just want to be by your side. (if these wings could fly) oh damn these walls, in the moment they are ten feet tall - and i can't get to you. Surely as the sunrises I'll forget your face and will be living in truth again. And I will make my heart realize that these wings are broken."

- March 21st, 2012.
C.B.

goodbye,
goodbye my love
i cant hide of what has come
i have to go and leave you alone
but always know, know

that i love you so

“They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” ~ Williams Penn

Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. And today I've experienced a great lose in my heart. Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. And even if we're apart from the loved ones we lost. In our hearts we'll always be with them. Grief changes us. its not a matter of being changed for the better or worse.. it just changes us. The beauty in life is always there. We just have to look up to find it. My heart feels sore tonight. For when I'm quiet I can still hear my little darlings purr; My cat Tigger died in the arms of the Lord on this brisk November morning. His sweet presence is now with the Lord. How lovely he was. My brothers and I adopted him when I was only six years old. September 28, 1996. I remember the day so clearly. My very first kitten and my heart was filled with such joy that lasted 17 years. My family and I gave Tigger so much love and in return he gave us so much back. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." -Pslams 34:18. 

-I miss you Tigger. 

I always think "If people want to talk to me they will" which is my reasoning for never really starting a conversation. So I'm permanently thinking that no one wants to talk to me. But what if they're sitting there thinking the same thing? And its just this cycle of silence that never gets broken... because I'm far too stubborn at times to just put myself out there.

It's 1999, I'm wearing my favorite Pocahontas sweater and matching it with one of my many pairs of neon pink leggings. And with my hair falling to my cheeks, I feel my fringe tickling my eyelashes. I'm nine years old and just starting to learn how to beat level four in Super Mario. I only worried about what colors of socks I'm going to wear that day. Who was going to lose at 'bubble, bubble gum' to be it for 'hide and go seek.' Life back then was care-free world. It was a world without stress. Being told you can achieve and be whatever your heart desires. When I young I thought I'd be married by eighteen years old. I thought I could be actress and meet Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson. I'd sleep with all my stuffed animals as a child so none of them got offended. Had that one pen with four different colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once. Poured soda into a cap and acted like I was taking medicine. The hardest decision was choosing which Nintendo game to play. Waited behind a door to scare someone, then leaving because they're taking too long to come out or you had to pee. Faked being asleep, so I could be carried to bed. Used to think that the moon followed my car. Watching two drops of rain roll down the window and pretending it was a race. Went on the computer just to use Paint. The only thing I had to take care of was a Tamagotchi. I used to sing in the shower. (Now? I make life decisions in there now). Swallowed a fruit seed and was told by my older brothers I was going to grow a tree in my tummy. Getting bruised knees heals better than a broken heart. Remember when we were kids and Couldn't wait to grow up.. what the heck were we thinking?

Have you ever thought about how many people think about you? It's so bizarre. Imagine someone, out of the blue, thinking of your face. Something happens; they remember you. Your favorite song, how you dress, the way you talk, the look in your eyes when you are happy. They remember that about you, even if you haven't seen each other in years. Everything in life is a reminder of a person, a place, a moment. You may think you've forgotten, but you haven't.

i will hold my breath

little things

the amber in your hair

don't go. i never loved 

my own best friend

if i loved, if i have known, if i go

don't take it to fast

little things

your eyes so gentle

hold my love, its true

cause if i go, if im gone, if i don't

i don't know if i'll move on

please dont move on

don't take this to lightly

cause the words you speak are many

and when you leave, when you go away

our loove is gone has with you

take my words, and hold them true

little things

the dimples in your cheeks

my love is true, love is true

take my words, there its gone with you

oh my love is true

little things

the way you pull back your hair

when you leave, don't forget 

love is gone with you, my love is gone with you

please take my words, hold them true

my love is true

love is true

take my words, its gone with you

oh my, my love is true