inthemiddle

He looked at me across the room. He grinned softly, as his blue eyes felt like endless daggers to my melting heart.   The music was loud, people gathered through hallways and nooks. And all I could think about was him. 

It's been this way for months now. The uncertainty of it all. But somehow he always pull me back in. I decided in that moment I couldn't wait or take it much longer. I sat up from the floor and hugged the birthday girl goodbye. With smiling waves I gathered myself outside the front door. He found me there, before I could escape. Asking me why I was leaving, that I should stay. My heart felt weary, my eyes felt sore. It's 3:30am and all I could think about was my bed. Putting on my boots I ignored him, avoided looking at his face. I wouldn't be able to leave if I saw his eyes.... Then it happened. Damnit. Our eyes met, he smiled. "stay here, with me. We'll sleep till noon. We'll be able to talk with no destractions. I'll make you coffee in the morning. Take a chance with me." I paused. My heart dropped. He never been this forward before and I wanted it all. Everything he just said. But my heart pulled me back, I knew it wasn't appropriate to stay in his home. In his bed for goodness sakes! I wasn't his girlfriend, just an affection for attention. So until then, I keep a distance, to escape heart break. That I know far to well. 

Declining the offer, He smiled at me. "Alright, goodnight." Smiling back, we hugged goodbye. Then I scooted as fast as my bum could get to my car. Once I arrived home, my phone buzzed. He texted me? And I read "Goodnight. I think you Should drive back and stay. It be fun. But I know we'll see each other again soon." 

I just escaped the arms of every girls dream. Am I an idiot for saying no?